I met with a new friend (@chancebar) a few weeks ago. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure what the reason was behind him asking to get together and was a little skeptical seeing as we briefly met the week before, but decided to make time to get together. We grabbed drinks and started the small talk (so what are you working on? why are you in town?) and about 15 minutes, there it was…the suggestion of me helping him with some upcoming events. I had to decline as I’m swamped with my full-time job right now and for my own sanity can’t take anything else on. At the same time, my brain started searching through my mental rolladex to think of someone else who was in the same space that I could connect him with.
Then he rocked my world in a way that’s never been rocked. He asked what he could do for me.
I was completely taken off guard with this question and again, my brain kicked in to overdrive trying to think of something. I had nothing. Then he called me on it…he asked why that was hard for me to answer and told me my demeanor completely changed. I was very uncomfortable.
I love giving gifts and doing things for others. I do it because I love the joy it brings to others, not because I expect something in return. I’m very independent and will drive myself into the ground before I ask for help with something. Alright, I call it independent. Others may call it stubborn. You say potato…I say potato. *Hmmm…that doesn’t really get my point across without audio.*
So why is it so hard for me to ask for help or even think about ways others can help me? Sometimes I wonder if this independence and self-sufficiency has lead to my lack of a dating relationship. I’ve been told I give off this ‘vibe’ that I don’t need a man…which I don’t, to be real honest, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind having one around. It has definitely caused me great stress in work situations as I won’t ask for help with work things as I feel it’s my responsibility to get things done. We’re all busy with our own things, so why would anyone have time to help me? *This is a pattern I’ve been working on for years and still can’t come to break it.*
So, I still don’t know the answer to his question of “What can I do for you?” Will I ever come up with an answer? Who knows. He did tell me he’d continue asking until I had something. I guess part of being a giver is learning to be a receiver as well. *Minds out of the gutters, kids…let’s keep things clean here!* Maybe you can help…what are things you need that I can help with? Or better yet, what are things you think I might need that you can help me with?
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I read your, article, and I must say, I’d be the guy. lol. Anyway, since I would be a person that would ask such a question I think I am in a pretty good position to know, at least take a guess, at what he is talking about.
If I were to say that, maybe not quiet like that, but If i were to say it like that, i would be expecting something along the lines of anything that would get you in a position to actually give what he is giving to you, His help or the just the plain fact to offer others a lending hand, no matter what it is, they will assist you with it as best they can. Thats all he asks. thats all I’d ask. By simple nature humans don’t tend to give. He wants to rise above that threshold and hopefully get you into that mind set as well. Quiet a unique approach. All taken that his intentions are good. The pendulum doesn’t always swing one way. In essence, too me, people aren’t born to live without each others help. It just not the way we are and people account for 90% of our happiness. If you grasp that concept Karen you are, like i said, 90% there.
ps: knowing this stuff and actually applying it in you life are two different things. I for one should not be taken as an expert. lol, Take care =)