As 2009 came to a close, I was reminded that it was time to start thinking about my #themeword for the new year. I then asked myself, “Why should I do this again. I don’t feel like I really gave 2009’s #themeword, CHANGE, a good shot.” But the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted to commit to this year’s theme of Love. It’s one I’ve avoided in the past and have really tried to embrace. I saw a tiny glimpse of what could be possible with Love earlier in 2009 and it was enough to make a year commitment to it.
Now, Love has many meanings. For me, as my #themeword, it means:
- to love myself–this has been something that I’ve been working on the past few years via my private blog.
- to love my work–which is a true life theme for me, so much so that I have the word PASSIONATE inked on my body…for life!
- to love others–as they are, to encourage them to love themselves, to be a good friend.
- to allow others to love me–again, something I’ve struggled with for years. I’ve built many walls and have torn them down. I’m hoping to retire my wall-building skills in 2010.
- to find someone to love who loves me just as much–yes, this means what you think it means. No, the goal is not to get married in 2010, but to find someone who truly loves me, which in the past I have convinced myself will never happen. Now I’m trying to convince myself that by doing the things listed above, maybe this too will happen.
I have a lot of love to give…I always have, but have held back in doing so. Why? Because of the fear of rejection and because I want to avoid the pain that comes along if things don’t work out; if I’m not loved back…whether it’s by friends or someone special in my life. After some experiences last year, I’m ready to face the fear and possibility of what may (or may not) happen head on. (Confession–that sentence totally just struck fear in my heart and a little bit of nausea in my stomach.)
Please know that if I tell you “I love you”, it doesn’t mean I want to have your babies…it just means that I care very deeply for you and appreciate you helping me achieve my personal goal of Love.